What do you want most?

"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment ." -Anonymous-

Those of you who work with me know that this has been a theme for the past year - discipline. Discipline in the best sense brings us exactly what we want. It is required for any goal that requires hard work and time - and that is most worthwhile goals.

Some prospective coaching clients have said, "I want to hire you to help me get everything done." My reply is, "Getting everything done at once is not typically possible, if you have a wide variety of interests and a big appetite - which most people interested in coaching do. What I can help you do, is get the most important things done. And I can help you gain clarity about what those things are. That's where 90% of your enjoyment and satisfaction in life is going to come from."

When I mention the word "discipline" it can elicit a groan. Too often, we associate discipline with not being able to have what we want. For instance:

1. Discipline about eating might mean no dessert.
2. Discipline about exercise might mean physical discomfort or pain.
3. Discipline about sales calls might mean many rejections.
4. Discipline in relationship might mean missing out on other people.

All of these things are ones where you might say, "THAT'S not what I want!" I WANT dessert, comfort, acceptance and attention from lots of people. But these are all short-term, immediate gratification things. Of course you want them. But what do you want most? Think about discipline not taking away the examples above, but bringing you these wonderful results:

1. Healthy weight, teeth, and sleep.
2. Health, strength, endurance and confidence.
3. Business success and business relationships that would not happen otherwise.
4. The opportunity to develop a committed relationship with one person, and actually work through things, which will grow you as a person.

We are presented with hundreds of choices, every single day. From "what should I do next" to "what will I order for lunch?" to "should I invest some time and money in this person or pursuit", the quality of your choices determines the quality of your life.

In order to make quality choices, you need to be clear about the Vision you're after. This work encompasses getting clear on your Values and Needs. Great stuff to work with a coach on (more about these areas in future posts). Once you're clear on these things, discipline about making choices in alignment with your Vision, Values and Needs will get you there.

For most of us, discipline is an ongoing quest. Like a physical muscle, it will get stronger the more you exercise it. And making the shift from "discipline=deprivation" to "discipline brings me what I really want!" is key to exercising it.

If you were to focus on just one area this month where exercising more discipline would bring you way more of what your really want, what would it be? I'd love to hear from some of you on this, and then hear about your results in the coming weeks.

Creativity vs. Productivity

“Think outside the box!” “Let’s be really creative about this!” “And let’s do it in the next 20 minutes.” Entire books are written about being maximally productive and efficient, and managing time well. Hey, I’ve written lots of stuff about those topics! Ditto for creativity. But what I’m discovering, with myself, and with some of my clients (all of whom are quite successful), is that sometimes productivity and creativity are at odds with each other.

Can you force yourself to be creative on demand? I think that there are indeed ways to “flip the switch.” You can use the adrenaline of a deadline to come up with stuff, and sometimes really good stuff.

BUT – there is something special that happens in a vacuum, meaning an unhurried process. It’s the equivalent of a blank canvas for an artist. When you’re trying to be efficient, particularly to meet a deadline, it’s natural to begin eliminating possibilities quickly, so as to focus on the apparent best path. This is oftentimes just fine, if “a” solution is what’s needed.

When a spectacularly creative answer is called for, however, “a” solution may not be enough. In that case, room (time) needs to be made to foster a relaxed, “possibility” approach. This can require enormous discipline in the face of our usual, “get it done, get done now” thinking. It’s a question of how much better the solution might be with more time, resources, etc., and whether the result warrants that additional expenditure.

I created a model that I think is useful in thinking about this. It’s called the Results Triangle (see graphic – thanks to my talented colleague, client and friend, Jonathan Colton, for improving my graphic). The idea is that every result has three dynamic components to it – time, resources and quality. It’s dynamic because when one component moves, the others typically do as well. For instance, if a deadline moves up, then typically either more resources have to be put on it, or the quality will decrease. Similarly, if an upgrade in quality is sought, then either more time and/or resources will be required.

When leading people, or when being asked to produce a result (which happens every day for all of us), this model is useful in agreeing upon expectations. Differing expectations is a leading cause of dissatisfaction with communication.

When kids are playing, or when adults are in a retreat mode, it’s amazing what creative thinking emerges. Pressure can produce one kind of creativity, but relaxation produces another. It can feel counterintuitive to go into a relaxed, play mode when working hard to produce a terrific result. But being able to hold the paradox of being disciplined enough to relax is an attribute worth developing.

Coaching tips for balancing creativity with productivity:
1. In the overall scheme of what you’re trying to accomplish, how important is creativity to this project/task? Scale it 1-5, with 5 being Really Important. If it’s a 4 or 5, creativity is more important than efficiency. Make time.
2. What kind of process can I/we set up for when we need to go into a relaxed, playful, mode, to set up a creativity vacuum? Consider working with a coach on this.
3. What practice could I set up in my life so that I experience that kind of relaxed creativity on a regular basis? For me, I do several 8-hour drives during the year, to get to dog agility competitions. Much as I’m not crazy about the long trips, I find my creativity starts firing on all cylinders during those drives.

Efficiency, productivity, and time management are, of course, important. Knowing how to discern what level of creativity is called for, and having a process in place to ignite it, will actually enhance these areas as well in the Big Picture.